Letter to Monty on walking in the garden

-
Dear Monty,



Here I am with my middle class pretensions - sitting in the 'salon rouge' listening to Baroque music and sipping Earl Grey - when in truth I am a pleb in a house with a dodgy roof. I should be in work caring for the sick, but have been ill myself.

Dawn came up below the garden, the moist air lit the trees in a golden light.
I feel guilt for being here in my sanctuary.

I read of  'a light for revelation and a glory to Israel'

I suppose I have taken those words and taken them down into the depths of me. Others may be amazed, alarmed, quizzical or dismissive. The difference and the only difference between those reactions and mine is that I allowed them to take root in my heart, which is the beginning of a journey of discovery as well as an end. Everything else becomes unimportant. In the light, my doubts, sin, failure and the failure of 'religion' - everything- the world its deviousness and subterfuge - the deviousness and subterfuge of my heart all become insignificant - unimportant.

There are many that say original sin is a nonsense - I cannot intelligently argue the case. I just know within myself is the potential for both good and evil - for love and hatred - we see it displayed before us daily.

Messiah the glory of Israel and the light to all peoples is not uprooted from me because of failure or the troubles of either church or state, although on the surface of me you would probably never be able to tell. In a place that will not be found by scientists or doctors - not even on cutting me up after death - is a place that exists beyond time where the light is. Mary who gave birth to Messiah treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.



Christ goes beyond  failures, beyond division, beyond every known thing that would trouble us on this earth, his spirit runs with the antelope and the ancient horses, he takes us back to the beginning of ourselves, he walks in the garden in the cool of the day.




No offence meant.

Paul.

Comments

  1. Gardener in the Distance8 March 2013 at 12:06

    Christ is eternal, Paul. Jesus had guilt thrown at him, so it is my feeling that to feel guilty, to feel bad about yourself, is an act against God. Feeling bad, hating yourself, doubting the value of your life is exactly what the Devil wants.
    We are here to be alive as God would have us to be. And being alive is a good thing, a grand thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Paul Steer9 March 2013 at 20:10

      As ever Faisal you are quite right, being alive is a grand thing. I still struggle with guilt though when it comes to missing work when ill !

      Delete
    2. Paul Steer12 March 2013 at 13:28

      I have thought further about your comment, and you are right on a profound level.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Weariness and the NGS

-
Image
Hello,  I have to admit to a kind of tiredness that comes from somewhere deep inside me. It's a kind of bone deep weariness with my own self, and with what human life has become. Now I'm not saying that I'm depressed, but I'm trying to face the reality of who I am and what the collective 'we' are currently moving through; 'cost of living crisis', wars, famines, dirty politics, corruption. But then those things are always with us, like the realities of illness, separation and loss, but alongside and underneath there remains the living spirit of things. Well here I stand, still alive, still breathing in and out, and yes the garden and this post industrial valley is still singing a lively song. Today its the cuckoo, thrush, raven, buzzard, sparrow, bullfinch and the chirrrup of the blue tit family busy feeding their brood in the nestbox, protesting at our presence sitting under the shade of the umbrella. I believe that singing helps ! I have a friend named
Read more

Letter to Monty Don 48

-
Image
Dear Monty, I know that despite these rambles being addressed to you, they never reach your eyes or heart, but this question is most certainly directed to you : Can nature be ugly ? I am pondering this question sitting in my cupboard of a 'studio' where I am putting the finishing touches to paintings of  British native orchids, pollinators and butterflies for an exhibition next weekend. Now I believe that you understand perfectly well the response you may get when you make statements on GW - including the one about spent buddleja flowers being 'ugly'. I too have always deadheaded my buddleja for the same reason, and as you said to promote new flower spikes. But this ugliness is an intrinsic part of nature - it sets seed to create the next generation, the flowers last but for a few days. Is this ugliness a kind of acknowledgement of the frailty of 'beauty' .... and the cutting off and tidying away a kind of denial ? ( Perhaps I think too much.) I
Read more

Monty, where does the road take us ?

-
Image
Monty, I see you have returned to France. Your film reminded me of my visits to Paris as an art student between 1981-83. It is a city that cannot fail to make an impression with its wide open streets, avenues of trees, the river and public gardens. I particularly remember Versailles with its long canal. At that time I was not aware of having a particular interest in gardens, but the gardens at Versailles were astonishing. I saw them in early morning light, when there were not that many people there. I also remember being intrigued by the garden at the Musee Rodin. Strangely for an art student, it was not the sculpture that caught my attention but the garden with pyramid shaped topiary. Perhaps what I was responding to was the sense of order, balance and harmony. It almost feels as though I was meant to visit, and that the encounters I had which were sensually intense, were pre-ordained. There is one incident, which has great significance only to me perhaps, but which was of
Read more