No flies on me ?

Dear Monty,

Woodland glade ? I keep losing the sun due to the gigantic firs of the 'big house'. This time of year the trees block the sun until 10.30 am.

The robin sings territorial songs which are more noticeable in these last few days. I also hear the mistle thrush and the terrible din of the beautiful jay.

Today is a muddle day. My head is still spinning due to slow drug withdrawal. 3 weeks off antidepressants. Some days the world spins in a giddy uneven way - then others I hardly notice any symptoms. Today is spinning slowly, very slowly.

The sun strikes the paper I am writing on as the earth does its daily circuit - spinning with my head - circles and orbs.

Values - do I care about anyone other than myself ? I tend to people's wounds both physical and emotional - but do I care ?  Do I pour myself out for my neighbour ?

I saw a red kite adjusting its tail and wings in order to circle slowly over the Ystalyfera rooftops, this after dropping off my drawing to a local gallery - of a red kite flying over the post industrial hills - an omen ?

Rebecca Buck unknowingly touched a raw place in me by saying that my artwork is more confident and free than it used to be. It is true - how tight and small my life has been. I know it and try to forget it by sitting in my garden and becoming a resting place for flies who clean and preen their hairy exoskeletons rubbing their 'hands' with glee.

The garden is now a place - it has a real sense of being a room - a sitting place.
This year, this month is the best it has been so far in its history.

A heron - lap-winged - turns about in slow motion and descends to the river.



  1. So sorry to learn about your depression - on the medication one is a zombie and off it something difficult too. I am sure many readers can empathise with your feelings and autumn is often a difficult time for those who suffer. Take care of yourself - accept the feelings for the moment and hopefully all will be well again in due course.

  2. Sorry about the depression too, Paul, but the last three paragraphs cheered ME up... XXxxx


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